Rachel Zimmerman

My eyes have been opened. And there's no going back. There's no more 'fitting in' to the world as I knew it... my world as I knew it. And it's scary and terrifying and liberating. There's no unseeing the poverty of the world and moving back to the states doesn't make the suffering in the world disappear. It's often too much to bear good thing it's not my job to carry it But I'm thrilled and privileged to be part of the solution to be doing something to be contributing to be leading and loving to be... just be to be doing the most purposeful work of my life to be learning (oh so much learning) to be living out the calling I've felt since childhood The experiences in our life shape us We have the opportunity to learn in any situation and boy is this shaping me and man am I soaking in all I can growth can be hard and painful but oh so beautiful My eyes have been opened God give me the strength to keep them open giv

I expect myself to learn a lesson once and move on. ...unfortunately this is rarely the way life works. It seems we continue coming back to our hurts, habits, and hang ups and learn and fail and make mistakes, and learn again.. the continual squiggly, circling, looping line that we would like to be a perfectly straight upward angle to "arrival." This is what 'carrying a load' looks like for me: I get grumpy. My language gets a bit foul. I get cynical. I have less patience than usual. I'm more irritable and a little emotional. I get frustrated when people 'need' me for things. I don't want to be asked for something. I shut down when a friend expresses her problem or concern to me because I just can't face one more problem/need/situation. When I'm able to step back and take a look at how I got to this point, I realize I'm trying to do God's job. I'm carrying a load I was never asked to carry. I am carrying PAIN I was never ask