A Hurricane, a Hammock, & a Wedding

Last week was confusing, to say the least. I have a lot of confusing weeks in Haiti but this one was extra weird. 

Sunday afternoon, October 2nd, we started gearing up for Hurricane Matthew, the Category 4 hurricane to make landfall in the middle of the night on Monday night with anticipated devastation throughout Haiti.

Haiti is the size of the state of Massachusetts. It was a small country on the western third of the Island of Hispaniola. There are roughly 10 million people who inhabit this island. 

I think because Haiti is so small, the media portrayed the Hurricane as hitting the entire country, and in all fairness, the entire country was within the path of the hurricane. Also, not many outside of Haiti know the geography of the country or where I live (a distant suburb northeast of Port au Prince).

Photo Credit: http://www2.scholastic.com/browse/article.jsp?id=3753352

I was overwhelmed by the concern of friends and family and acquaintances in the states as to my safety and those in my community. I educated our clinic staff on Monday morning about the anticipated Hurricane, what to tell their communities, staying safe, what to anticipate after the Hurricane, etc. Duckenson was laughing at me the whole time. When I showed him the radar images that were flooding Facebook, he asked me where they came from.... I tried to explain the study of meteorology within a few sentences and then gave up, returning back to my mad preparation for Hurricane Matthew. I pulled benches inside the clinic, picked up everything and anything off the floor that could be damaged, and pulled all furniture from the windows. We closed up clinic early on Monday as we hardly had any patients come in, seems everyone knew there was something coming... or maybe didn't appreciate the dark and drizzly weather. (When it rains our census drops considerably as most in the community walk as their primary means of transportation through the community). 

By 2 or 3pm I was done with work on Monday and ready to hunker in for the Hurricane of the century. I actually settled in with a good book "Helping without Hurting in Short Term Missions" by Cobertt and Fikkert (an EXCELLENT read, I might add-- please read it). 

I waited and prayed and contemplated and responded as accurately as possible to family and friends and concerned peoples. It got to an almost embarrassing point. We didn't get hit with rain. We didn't get hit with super strong winds. I spent most of my time in the hammock on the outdoor porch. I read a lot. I shared my socks with the ladies in the house. I baked peanut butter cookies one night (it's an accomplishment to make anything 'normal' in Haiti) AND included Lulu and Liza in the process. I tried not to get too frustrated cooped up in my house. And the 145 mph winds didn't come... and the 20 inches of rain didn't come. no. where. close. 

My view from the hammock on my porch. Stunning in the midst of tragedy.

All hunkered in for Hurricane Matthew. Left: Liza, Middle: Lulu, Right: Reginald (Note adorable hoods)

Excellent Read

Baking Peanut Butter kiss cookies with Liza and Lulu

I asked Ducke if we should open the clinic on Wednesday and got the impression that it would be culturally insensitive to do so (our employees would have a hard time getting to work, not many patients would likely come, plus the US embassy was telling everyone to "shelter in place Monday through Thursday). 

The clinic re-opened Thursday and I left Duckenson with a short list of items I would like to be done in clinic. I left Wednesday afternoon to head north an hour to go to the all-inclusive resort for my good friend's wedding. It was nearly cancelled due to the hurricane madness and several of here guest's flights were cancelled and couldn't make it. I was needed there, present, and happy/ready to serve and celebrate. It was a beautiful wedding and good to get away for a few days. But most local expats serving in Haiti were experiencing torn hearts.

I continued to receive inquiries: "are you okay?" "How are you and your team prepping to aide with the disaster?" "Have you seen an influx with clinic patients?" 

How could I respond with "I'm at an all-inclusive resort celebrating a friend's wedding?"

It was confusing.

Myself and the beautiful bride at the wedding!

All the while, the undertones of my feelings were still burdened with carrying the day to day pains and experiences of living in a developing country in another culture and experiencing pain and hurt and stealing and bitterness and conflict and watching the burdens of my fellow Haitians and fellow expats. I didn't even have room in my heart to take on the devastation that happened in the south of Haiti. I didn't have a square inch of space for it.

Throughout the last few weeks God has been helping me recognize the pain I continue to carry around and whisper 'healing' and 'freedom' to me. God, could I really be experiencing healing and freedom right now while the south of Haiti is being blown off the map? Whole cities destroyed? Lives lost? Crops gone? Families traumatized and separated forever? Questions of God's goodness?

Photo Credit: Not mine. Circulating through Facebook and What's App.

My last and final point: Role. God what is my role in all this? Shouldn't I be doing something? My Facebook feed is drowning in pictures of devastation, questions, opinions on how to help best, links to support different ministries on the ground, and updates from all my friends that they are okay. God I feel like adding my update is just adding to the noise. I watched those around me questioning their roles... shouldn't I be down in the south helping with something? I can only answer that question for myself. Should I be down in Jeremie and Les Cayes helping with disaster relief, clearing debris, providing first aide, giving food, etc. Honestly, no. As a young, white female physical therapist, that's not the best role for me. Those trained in disaster relief and experienced Haitians working alongside partners should be down there (Charly and Duckenson, my Haitian brothers, are down in the south providing much needed relief and food. They are working alongside partners in Haiti and North Americans). Excellent ministries equipped for disaster relief and providing emergency services have activated and are busy on the ground. They are working together to pave the way for relief and eventual recovery.

My role in Haiti and in the body of believers is to direct the Onaville Community Health Center, to live amongst my Haitian family and love them, to encourage those around me, to be a friend to my fellow Haitian and fellow expat. When each of us knows our role, we all work together to build up the body of Christ. It's when each of us wants to do everything or things we aren't called to do is when more chaos and confusion ensues.

I was checking into the resort for the wedding this week and need $25 as a down payment to get another key for the room. The groom (whom I adore) walked over and offered to help. I scrambled to come up with $25 worth of gourdes (Haitian currency) for the extra key, denying the groom's offer to front the money. He mentioned, kindly 'you Americans want to help everyone but don't like to accept help.' Ouch. It's so very true, and I am not an exception.

I am resting this week in the assurance and knowledge that there are excellent people providing aide and relief in the south of Haiti. I know good people are down there, my Haitian brothers are down there themselves. I am also resting in the knowledge of my role here, knowing I've thoroughly exhausted myself with that throughout this past year. I am allowing God to heal the brokenness of my heart, identifying that I don't have much capacity for carrying the weight of the world in my already broken heart. God can handle it and doesn't task me with carrying it.
Thank you for reaching out, having a heart for Haiti, and a heart of learning and understanding alongside me. 

Photo Credit: Not mine: Circulating through Facebook and What's App

Photo cred: Not mine. Circulating through facebook and Whats App

Photo Credit: Not mine. Circulating through Facebook and Whats App